May 18, 2:50 A.M.
How did you do last night? I woke up once with a headache, took medicine and got back to sleep fairly early. I got up at 2:30 A.M. In the bathroom, I thought about my path of taking allopathic medicines. I decided it is the best of a bad bargain. I’m in touch with devotees who are taking alternative medicines. Some of these medications are extreme fads and far-out alternatives. These devotees may criticize allopathy, but I think it is the best, most modern, Western method, and Prabhupada approved it. When we get down to serious treatment of diseases, there’s nothing wrong with using the most advanced methods of modern science. I called for Narayana on the radio, and he came up fairly soon, put on my sling, gave me my medicines and a banana, applied some cream to my ankle and left me for chanting. Narayana was a little slow in setting up the deities and filling their water. I wasn’t left alone until 3:23 A.M.
4:11 A.M.
- Early-morning japa log
I’ve finished eight rounds. That’s pretty good. The japa log has become a more terse report. I leave more general matters for the japa essay. There’s a TV commercial where the captain of a ship is alone in his room. There’s a storm brewing. A bell rings, and the crew calls him: “Skipper! You’re needed in the pilot house!” The captain stops what he’s doing and rushes to the pilot house. In the japa log, I report urgent matters, such as missing a round or falling asleep or making a general check-up to make sure I’m on my rounds. This morning has been good. I’ve been using the “just hear” process, which I report in the japa essay today. My chanting has been barely audible, not simply in the mind. That’s good, too. The speed has been rapid. I haven’t been thinking deeply about Radha-Krishna pastimes but staying on the railroad tracks with accumulation and attentiveness to the syllables of the mantra. All things considered, I feel content about it and await for the day when I can improve. I was alert and not the least bit sleepy.
- Japa essay
Japa requires concentration. You obviously can’t do two things at once, such as watch television and chant on your beads. If you attempt that, it is offensive chanting and of little value. So you have to make up your mind, “This is my time for chanting,” and put other things aside. This includes not only other external activities but also the activities of the mind. The Bhagavad-gita says that controlling the mind is as difficult as controlling the wind. But there is a surprisingly simple way to control the mind while chanting. Prabhupada’s famous expression is, “Just hear.” To practice this, you should chant audibly. If for some reason you are not able to chant audibly, then you must chant the syllables of the mantra in your mind. (Prabhupada advised me to do this while working in the welfare office for chanting in addition to chanting my regular sixteen-round minimum.)
By deliberately hearing the sound of each syllable, your mind will be occupied, and if you do this vigorously, there will be no chance for the mind to wander to other realms of thought. This method is so simple that chanters may overlook it, but if you apply it, it is very effective. There are further stages in chanting, in which one thinks of the pastimes of Krishna, meditates on His qualities, and even comes to see His form, but they all follow from the basic practice of attentive hearing. The reason this works so effectively is that the holy name is Krishna, and the Hare Krishna mantra is invested with all His potencies. Anyone who practices the “just hear” method will find great improvement in his or her chanting.
- Chanting is a frolic,
- chanting is hard work.
- The inner workings of the mind
- must cooperate with the movements
- of the mouth and teeth.
- There’s a quiet satisfaction in completing your rounds
- that equals nothing else.
- You don’t feel it as a big fanfare,
- but without it, you’re miserable.
-
- With faith I follow the acharyas
- who insist that chanting is the all-in-all.
- Wth faith I follow the scriptures
- which praise the chanting
- as sublime.
- It’s all a matter of faith
- and experience, too.
- As you increase your faith,
- you increase your conviction,
- and everything comes out fine.
- I pray for the time when my chanting will be uplifted
- to the higher realms described,
- and in the meantime, I crawl steadily
- like a caterpillar up the stem, step by step
- without hesitation, without slipping.
- You wait until one foot is well placed, and then
- you place the next.
- In this way you make progress.
-
-
6:36 A.M.
Just Narayana and I at the beach today. He was alert in chanting, but I sometimes grew drowsy, and he rubbed my back. Usually we go out for the walk at 6:30 A.M., but I decided to go out earlier to keep awake. You could hear winds roaring around the car, and heavy surf was breaking onto the beach. The sky was overcast. When we opened the car doors, we were met with gale-force winds that pushed at our backs as we walked the first one-half lap. It was very unusual.
I thought of the pastime of Krishna and the Trnavarta demon. Trnavarta was a personified tornado. He was a demon sent by Kamsa to kill Krishna. He swooped down from the sky and picked Krishna up at a moment when He was unattended by Mother Yasoda. Actually, Mother Yasoda had to put Krishna down because He was too heavy to hold. He was preparing Himself to combat with Trnavarta. The wind demon had created a dust storm all over Vrndavana, and he picked Krishna up and carried Him high in the sky. His intention was to drop Krishna from a great height so that He would be killed when He hit the ground.
But Krishna grabbed Trnavarta by the neckand manifested the yoga siddhi of becoming heavier than the heaviest. Trnavarta tried to get out of Krishna’s grip, but Krishna held onto his neck until the demon suffocated, then He dropped him from the sky. Krishna fell down with the demon and pillowed His landing on the demon’s body. Then baby Krishna began to climb and play on the demon’s chest. Krishna’s parents and relatives ran to the spot and were greatly relieved that Krishna was miraculously unharmed and the giant demon was dead.
The wind at the beach was nothing compared to Trnavarta’s whirlwind, but it tugged at our clothing and bodies and made it hard to walk. When we finished the half lap and turned around, the wind hit us in the face, and it became even more difficult to walk. We managed to get back to the car and take shelter inside. Narayana said, “We got double our value on this walk, due to the wind resistance.” I said, “Yes, I’ll count it as two laps.” Just yesterday, it was mild, without much wind. How quickly Krishna can change the situation! We’ll stay in the car a while and then head back to the house. We won’t attempt to feed the seagulls because the wind would just blow the crumbs away. How mighty are Krishna’s material elements. As the pastime of Trnavarta shows, He can subdue them without the slightest effort. As for us tiny jivas, we can be swept away at any moment.
“Sincerely Diana.” The jolly, scintillating hard bop of the Art Blakey Group—Lee Morgan, trumpet; Wayne Shorter, tenor sax; Bobby Timmons, piano; Jimmy Merritt, bass; Art Blakey, drums. Sincerely, Diana, he loves you. Aint that grand? And you love him. Diana was sincere. She wasn’t a cheater. And he was sincere to her. The music is full of life, just like their love, just like their lives. American jazz is superexcellent.
Now you know what I want to compare this to, don’t you? The love of Radha and Krishna. There was nothing more sincere than that. She took all risks to go see Krishna. Risked her social reputation, the scandal of disobeying Her husband, and even Her sanity, because when Krishna went away from Her, she lost Her composure. So She had to be sincere to enter a love relationship with Him. It’s not a light thing to love Krishna. You have to really be sincere. You’re tested in so many ways, so sincerity is the greatest thing in love of Krishna. There’s no question of His sincerity toward you. He’s made a promise for all time that anyone who loves Him will get back a millionfold the greatest love, that of the Supreme Personlity of Godhead, the sweet cowherd boy. Art Blakey sincerely pounds his drums. He’s dedicated his life to it. He did it until he lost his hearing and had to wear a hearing aid, and then he played the drums by automatic, pilot, like Beethoven. He would play the drum and know what it sounded like without actually hearing it. He went on playing because he was sincere.
“So Tired.” He’s not really tired. His body’s tired, but he goes on playing. It’s a song by Bobby Timmons, the never-tired pianist. He’s tired of being short-changed by cheaters, and he’s tired of insincere people, manipulators, bogus agents, record companies that don’t pay. But he’s not tired of playing music. So despite all the hassle, he’s never tired to play another gig.
Krishna’s never tired with us, either. He never gives up on us, no matter how many times we fail Him. He’s always ready to take us back. You’d think He’d be disgusted with us, but He’s too magnanimous for that. Sometimes He destroys some worlds, sends people to hell, but nevertheless, it’s never permanent. After some time, after remorse, He’ll take them back and bring them to the highest point. That’s Krishna, the magnanimous one. Jesus Christ was like that, too. He forgave everyone. Sometimes you get exhausted physically. You’ve done as much as you can, and you lie down exhausted. So tired. You wait for some refreshment in your body so that you can go on again. Life in this material world is hard. In the spiritual world, they don’t get tired. They can dance the equivalent of twenty-four hours a day without getting tired. We’re given just a little energy here, so that even if we’re blissful, staunch devotees, we can’t do much. We have only a little energy, and then we get tired. But as you build up your devotional service, you’re able to chant longer, you’re able to chant more beads. You don’t get exhausted. You’re able to read more books. It even happens as you grow older, so don’t be tired. Don’t give up. Play beautiful tunes, like Art Blakey’s. He never grew tired, even though he grew very old. He played that drum. He smashed that drum with all the muscles in his body. Let’s pledge never to get tired of serving Krishna.
“Yama.” “Yama” sounds like Lee Morgan’s girlfriend. I don’t know what it may be, but he’s playing his trumpet sweetly for six minutes and twenty-two seconds. He’s got a nice, melodic horn. Yama. Yamaraja. Now that’s a name we don’t like to hear. Yama is the king of death. He hands out the punishments to the sinful people. Here, you go take x numbers of years in Patala Loka. Here, you go to another loka, where you have to embrace a burning brass doll for your lust in this world. On this song, I don’t think they’re playing of Yamaraja because it’s too sweet. Yet Yamaraja has a place in this world. Krishna has so many agents, and they each serve Him in different ways. They each have a kind of loving service to Him, even when it seems cruel, like Yama’s. But if Yama is the name of a girl that Lee Morgan loves, that’s a different thing. It also ended in tragedy. She became jealous of him, brought a gun with her into Slug’s nightclub and shot him in the back. Wayne Shorter plays the tenor mournfully and with jive. These musicians know how to touch the feelings of the heart. The musicians play it together in lovely harmony, whatever the meaning of the title. It doesn’t matter. It’s the music without the words. It’s the music that comes from the heart, from their nimble fingers, their lungs, their dedication to the Lord. Yes, they’re dedicated to the Lord, and that’s why they play so sincerely and so hip. How could the quality of hip be given to a square person?
“When Your Lover Has Gone.” When your lover has gone, you’re bereft. You’re alone and sad, but they play it with soul and upbeat. That’s the meaning of the blues. You take the hard times and you weave it into something sweet and lively. Even the departed lover becomes a pretty tune. Not exactly pretty but hard and swinging. When your lover has gone, you burn in the fire of separation. You wait for him to come back. You wonder if he’ll ever come back. You remember the times you had together, and they make you cry. You experience sphurti, visions of being with him again. So in a sense, he’s never gone. That’s the way it is in Goloka. The lover never goes, but He stays in His bhava incarnation. They say it’s even better than when He’s with you. When your lover has gone, it’s bittersweet because he’s still with you, and yet, in the other sense, you don’t see him, you don’t touch him. It’s the great mystery of bhakti, and it’s created by Krishna. It stimulates love. Art Blakey pounds the drums of love in separation. He knows what it’s like. When your lover has gone, you want to play the drums frantically to forget, to remember, to be with. You want to insist that he’s not really gone, and so you play your drums. Please don’t say he’s gone. Please don’t say he’s gone. Let me see him again. When will his form pass the pathway of my eyes again? When will I be with him? When will he embrace me? You say it’s already happening? I don’t know how. But if you say so... Lord, if You say so, then I feel it. I feel You’re with me.
11:30 A.M.
- My Dear Lord Krishna...
This is an intercessionary prayer I’m making on behalf of Baladeva Vidyabhusana dasa. He is going to Vrndavana today. I pray that You will take care of him and help him fulfill his goals. He is feeling much separation from Vrndavana dhama and wants to go there to revive his attachment and taste for living in Vraja. He also has some work there on my behalf for printing and distributing books. He needs a break from his routine here and feels he will find it in the place where he feels most at home—bhauma Vrndavana. Please help him to associate with his devotee friends there in a friendly and inoffensive manner. Allow him to become inspired by his stay in your holy dhama and return safely to my service in Lewes, Delaware. I hope he will find a special internal blessing during this visit, which he can bring back to the U.S.A. in the form of impressions of the heart. I know he will be able to endure the heat of the climate there, and he will enjoy honoring the mangos that are in season there. Some of the most fragrant flowers bloom at this time of the year, and he may be delighted to smell them and live with them. May he spend quality time at Krishna-Balarama Mandir, receiving darsana of Radha-Syamasundara, Krishna-Balarama, Gaura-Nitai, visiting Prabhupada’s samadhi and rooms, and taking part in Aindra’s kirtana.
Whenever Baladeva Vidyabhusana goes to Vrndavana, You offer him some special service. If You do that again, please do not detain him too long from returning. Narayana-kavaca dasa is taking care of me in Baladeva’s absence, but I expect Baladeva to return within a few months. Please let me have him back.
I will ask him to pray for me in Vrndavana so that some day I may return there also with some of the enthusiasm he has for staying in the dhama.
the yellow submarine, my bhajana kutir #75→
By the grace and mercy of Sri Sri Radha-Madhava, Lord Nrsimhadeva and Sri Pancha-Tattva, we are launching the new Mayapur Harinama and Food For Life Website.This website aims to promote the congregational chanting of the Holy Name across the nine islands, as instructed by Lord Caitanya Mahaprabhu Himself:“The Lord ordered all the citizens of Navadvipa to chant the Hare Krishna mantra, and in each and every home they began performing sankirtana regularly.[All the devotees sang this popular song along with the Hare Krishna maha-mantra.]“Haraye namah, krishna yadavaya namah/ gopala govinda rama sri-madhusudana.”
Back then mp3 players were limited to 64MB of memory and didn't have the grunt to encode on the fly (record). At the same time Sony had their minidisc technology, which could record 74 minutes of effectively CD quality (using their proprietary ATRAC 4 compression, which is excellent) in stereo, or twice that in mono (great for classes).
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