I woke in the middle of the night with a headache but just lay there and went back to sleep. I woke up at 4:15 A.M. I tried to restrain my disappointment at getting up so late and having little time to chant or write my japa log. Narayana came up and woke the deities. We decided he should come up again at 5:30 A.M. and see if I have time to write anything about japa.

5:12 A.M.

Early-morning japa log

I’ve chanted four rounds. I think that’s enough to make an honest estimation of what I’ve done so far. I concentrated on speed. I chanted at a rate of about six minutes per round, except for the last round, which was inexplicably long (thirteen minutes). I think the last round had something to do with improper counting. I chanted mostly in my mind at a faint whisper. I had nothing else on my mind except the concentration on the chanting. I felt relieved that I could start up and move through the rounds with speed. I was somewhat negligent, but not too bad. Now the main point is just to move on and not be disappointed that I’m not behind.

Japa essay

Beginning japa in the morning is like waking from the dead. You feel like a zombie until you begin your morning prayers. They are so important. It’s like being underwater without air until you start them. As you chant, you come to life again. I’m glad it’s this way. Chanting has become such an important part of my life. I must begin to chant on waking. I panic when I wake late, and this isn’t necessary, because I always catch up. The anxiety is there because I so much prefer the early beginning. The mantras are offered to Radha and Krishna, and I’m aware of this. Nothing could be more important. I don’t have to figure out why it is so. It has just developed that way in my life. Prayers to the Lord come first. Not just one prayer, they have to accumulate, up towards the quota. And I strive to do them with quality, paying attention and staying awake. I was able to do this this morning, so I have some relief in my mind. But I have a long way to go. Let me pray not to become drowsy but to keep up the pace I’ve begun so far and not lapse into a dreadful slow pace, as I did in that last round. I’m happy to be chanting and to be alive in the holy names. There is nothing so refreshing and life-giving as chanting the maha-mantra. I feel like I’m a good person, obeying the parampara and obeying Srila Prabhupada. I don’t feel foreign to it; I feel I’m in my element. This is my religion, and my religion is the most crucial element in my life, beyond eating and sleeping. And so I’ve come out of a zombie state, and I’m a human being again, sailing in the japa waters.

Japa is the life breath,

the form of meditation

of the Gaudiya Vaisnavas.

I’m a chanter among them,

breathing for life, living for chanting.

I’m happy when I’ve found my groove,

when I’ve regained my routine,

even if I’m behind.

I’m confident I’ll reach my goal

before the day is over.

Krishna will reward me

by enabling me to chant.

He’ll be pleased with me

for chanting His names—

Radha and Krishna

Radha and Krishna.

The Divine Couple who reciprocate with me

when I utter Their holy names.

6:45 A.M.

It’s a beautiful, sunny day down at the beach, but only a few people are out walking, even though it’s Saturday. I go through different phases in my interest in writing about the intimate pastimes of Radha and Krishna. I wrote a lot about it when I was reading (several times) Bhajana-rahasya. The concept that becoming a gopi manjari is the highest goal for all Gaudiya Vaisnavas was intriguing. Then I went on to read Ujjvala-nilamani. I found the amorous details to be too intimate, and they disturbed me, so I stopped reading the book. A devotee quoted to me a saying by Srila Sridhara Swami: “Don’t think that if you don’t read Ujjvala-nilamani, you can’t become a pure devotee.” I’m still interested in the madhurya rasa, but I’m not reading any of the rasika books right now. It seems these interests come in phases at different times in your life, when you feel you need them or you don’t. Since I’ve stopped reading Sivarama Swami’s books, I’m not doing any extra reading except for our mealtime reading of Brhad-bhagavatamrta, which is delightful and just perfect to my taste at this time. I’m thinking of returning to the Srimad-Bhagavatam, maybe the Sixth Canto section on Ajamila, to reinforce my faith in the holy names. There are also books by Bhaktivinoda Thakura which I wish I had in my library. It is good to be always reading something in addition to the writing of The Yellow Submarine.

I usually don’t like to include in my journal long paraphrases of the books I’m reading, but some of it inevitably filters through.

Tonight Gunagrahi Maharaja is coming to visit me, and we will do some reading. We haven’t chose yet what to read, but I would like to save Brhad-bhagavatamrta for the mealtime readings. Reading books is the perfect activity for those few hours after I finish the journal and before I start my evening japa.

Narayana-kavaca has been suffering from a flare-up of a long-term medical problem and also from general fatigue. I’m cocnerned about his health and hope he can keep lively and not have to spend long hours resting with illness. Like me, he likes to spend time alone and is very engrossed in his writing. He read me several beautiful poems last night. I like to encourage him in his writing, and he is thinking of publishing a book of his poems.

8:15 A.M.

“The Freedom Suite.” This is by Sonny Rollins. It’s got racial meanings from the 1950s America. It’s a trio with Rollins, Pettiford on bass and Max Roach on drums. Sonny rollins plays magnificently with improvisation and freedom. We all want freedom from oppression. The black man was oppressed, brought here as a slave and through centuries achieved a semblance of equality with the white man. In Krishna-loka, there’s all freedom for everyone. There’s even freedom from birth, death, disease and old age. That’s the real freedom suite. Otherwise, any freedom is still being chained down by the modes of nature. But there’s an attempt to break out of it in this music. The players may not know the freedom they’re seeking and the freedom they’re actually achieving in their sounds, but it comes through. An astute hearer will be blessed and pleased to hear the freedom of “The Freedom Suite.” Sonny achieves freedom from musical conventions, cliches, and staid sounds. Oscar Pettiford is a great master of the double bass, and he plays a solo here that’s delightful. His fingers on the bass make for soft, dignified sounds. But always swinging. He’s got the freedom, too, playing in his own way, but in tune with Sonny Rollins’ “Freedom Suite.” Freedom doesn’t mean anarchy. It means playing together, living together in happiness. Max Roach is a master drummer and trades four with Sonny in a freedom contest. Who’s got the most freedom? Who’s got the most inventiveness? It’s a sweet competition. They punctuate their sounds back and forth. Sax and drums, with bass interluding. Roach gives a solo, going all out with all the parts of his drum kit, and the other two stand by respectfully while he kicks it across. Sonny returns to the head, a cute, original melody.

Let’s be free with Krishna. Follow what He says and be free. Freedom only comes through obedience to the Lord and the spiritual master. But when it’s free, then it’s really free. This piece seems to end, and then suddenly it begins again with an appendix. A different tune, a different melody. More freedom. An addition to the suite. We like more. Sonny finally ends it with one of his extended improvisational endings, and then goes again into soft melody, extending the suite even further. Freedom means giving us more than we bargained for. Freedom in abundance and variety. It’s a suite because it’s got parts to it, some slower than others. Krishna also gives us varieties in His books and in His pastimes. The killing of Aghasura, the killing of Trnavarta, the killing of Putana, the stealing of the gopis’ clothes, the rasa dance. One after another throughout the Tenth Canto, the freedom suite. The Venu Gita, the ultimate freedom suite, which puts anyone who hears it into ecstasy. Sonny’s got a gita, too.

“Cariba.” This is Wes Montgomery again, the great jazz guitarist, with a Latin tinge. I don’t know what the Spanish word cariba means, but the music has a nice beat. It begins with a solo by the bassist. Like reading books, music is a great pleasure. Without music, the world would be a mistake. There is music in the spiritual world, and it’s constantly playing. The residents there sing the pastimes of Krishna, accompanied by music. Music in the material world is a reflection of spiritual music. Sometimes we call it a perverted reflection, but sometimes it is so nice it is hard to think of it as “perverted.” “Cariba” makes you want to tap your toe and get up and dance. It is not contrary to Krishna consciousness. Each instrumentalist takes his solo with joy. This is a live recording, and the people in the audience applaud each soloist. Johnny Griffin plays the tenor sax, and the people love it. Johnny Griffin improvises with many notes. Wes Montgomery’s notes are clear and original on his electric guitar. The rhythm section backs him up. The producer says he’s sad that he didn’t make more live recordings of Wes Montgomery’s groups. It’s more fun to play to a live audience than alone in a studio. You hear the peoples’ reactions, and there’s more excitement in the air. Krishna didn’t do studio recordings but played freely in Vraja with no need to make CDs and sell them. The music is always flowing, and there is always time for more. Wes makes many nice chords, as well as his single-note runs. The people appreciate. They’re attentive, however, and they’re not talking in botheration. They’re enjoying the music.

“Tune Up.” Here’s Wes Montgomery again, with strings. He has a full string section. There’s a concert master, arranged and conducted. But it’s swinging jazz. He plays along smoothly to a jazz standard. Improvisation all the way. The string section reminds you of Krishna’s abode because it’s so smooth and harmonic. Maybe He has string sections, too. Music in the spiritual world is not commercial, it’s not for sale. Bhakti is not a sales item. It’s done just to please Krishna and His cowherd folk. The essence of Wes Montgomery’s “Tune Up” is also not commercial. He plays it for his own joy and for the people who can hear it. The Riverside recordings were not commercial successes. They were done for connoisseurs. The music fades out blissfully, and the cowherd boys go one to play another way.

“Ruby, My Dear.” This is a Thelonious Monk ballad that he plays on this cut with the great Coleman Hawkins. It is romantic and full of sentiment, but not sentimental. It’s a love song. Coleman Hawkins is an old-time tenor sax player who plays slightly rough. Very standard. The spiritual version would have to be “Radharani, My Dear,” Krishna singing His devotion to His Consort. It’s very tender and soft. Coleman Hawkins improvises in a manly way in a unique way. The Riverside producer said this is perhaps “the most beautiful of all jazz ballads.” He calls Coleman Hawkins “the man who literally invented jazz saxophone.”

“Ruby, My Dear.” Here is another version of the Thelonious Monk ballad, this time with John Coltrane on the tenor sax. He’s smoother and with the cry associated with Coltrane. This is a rare recording of the Five Spot cafe sessions that Thelonious Monk had with John Coltrane. Again, the same tenderness of the love ballad to Radharani. You could say it’s ridiculous to make this comparison because Thelonious Monk must have been thinking of a woman in the material world. But it comes from his soul, and one thinks it’s more than an ordinary woman he’s thinking of. He’s thinking of the essence of love, which he makes in music. It’s love, not womanhood. Coletrane’s notes make this substantial, as he also is playing not just to a woman but to the soul of love, and that can only mean Krishna’s love for His Beloved, so I contend “Ruby, My Dear” is a ballad of Krishna to Radha. And it’s beautiful jazz music by John Coltrane, the consummate modern tenor saxophonist, who played with his heart and with great expertise. He’s worthy of the song and substantiates our claim that it’s from the spiritual world. He’s a mortal man but wants to be a saint, he said, and his music is celebrated by thousands as something spiritual, not mundane. Thelonious plays the tune on piano, not improvising much but playing the pretty tune of his own ballad. Together, they make beautiful music rarely heard.

11:00 A.M.

My Dear Lord Krishna...

I’m writing to You after finishing my sixteen rounds. You are the gigantic Mahavishnu and the thumb-sized paramatma. You are the opulent King of Dvaraka with 16,108 wives in 16,108 palaces and 161,080 sons. And You are the unmarried cowherd boy of Vraja who sports with other men’s wives and play Your flutes, which charm all moving and nonmoving living entities. In that cowherd boy form, You are my istha-devata, my worshipable form of God. I praise You and I worship You. You are also my istha-devata (favorite form of God) in the syllables of the maha-mantra, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna.... When I write to You and talk to You or about You, You become real to me. I must keep active in my consciousness of You or You will fade from my existence.

Actually, You cannot fade from my existence because You maintain me, but I mean subjectively You fade from me unless I am actually performing devotional service in one of the nine forms of bhakti yoga. I have to be chanting or hearing or remembering You, or worshiping Your lotus feet or offering prayers to you (a great favorite of mine) or being Your servant or Your friend or offering everything to You.

I am mostly always engaged in Your conscious service in some way, but unfortunately, sometimes I do something not connected to You. I’m writing to You now to connect with You and to pray that I may always connect with You. I don’t want to give my attraction to something non-Krishna. When I watch a TV sports event or a commercial, I am astray; I am not pleasing You. I need to be more disciplined not to do these things. Yet I do them. I’m not even ashamed of this. I think, “Oh well, I can take a little vacation from my Krishna consciousness. I have finished writing my daily journal and my prescribed japa rounds. I don’t have to always be reading a Krishna conscious book or preaching.” This is not good. It is not the highest standard of life. I’m writing to You for help. Please make me inclined to be one hundred percent engaged in thought of You. I can remove maya with Your blessings and with my own determination.

Rupa Goswami has informed us that we can utilize material things in Your service. It is called yukta-vairagya, and it is the highest form of renunciation. In fact, if we don’t use material things in Your service, if we reject them, thinking they are maya, we are on a lesser standard of renunciation. So I don’t have to think Krishna consciousness is very restricted and that you can’t do many things. You can do many things and dovetail them in Your service. Thus, I am writing prose improvisations to jazz music, and I write poems about japa. And I write descriptions of the beach in the early morning. But some of my activities are not dovetailed, and this I have to correct. I have to be more strict. This is a prayer asking You to help me to be more strict in my consciousness, in my mental and physical activities. I want to be like Maharaja Ambarisa and use all my activities in Your service. I don’t want to be so loose. If You see that I am serious about this, You will give me a taste for fulltime Krishna conscious activities. You will give me the intelligence how to use my time wholly in Your service. You will give me the fortitude to avoid frivolous activities.

I know I have a long way to go to achieve this goal, but it is important that I strive to improve. I’m going to try to do better. I don’t think I can eliminate frivolous activities one hundred percent right away, but I can take steps in the right direction. Even if they are baby steps, they will accumulate, and I will make progress. I hereby promise to try to become a more serious devotee, a sadhaka, and please You with my life. Please help me.

I slept all right but got up once in the middle of the night. Woke up at 3:00 A.M. and woke Narayana. I started my chanting at 3:30 A.M. with a clear head. It’s nice to be near Radha-Govinda, who have new flowers now. Narayana was very kind to wake Them out of bed and put them on the altar, where They are now shining effulgently, looking at me, or I look at Them. Let’s go champ, chant your rounds.

4:33 A.M.

Early-morning japa log

I finished eight rounds. I think that keeping my log is helpful to me and to readers also. It shows us how I chart my course through the japa waters. I began chanting loudly. I’m not so afraid of getting exertion headaches, now that I’m taking pain-relief medicine early in the morning for my fractured shoulder. But the loud chanting slowed me down to ten minutes per round, so I switched to a low whisper. I brought my speed up to about seven minutes per round. My japa was a bit mechanical, but at least my mind was not wandering to other thoughts. I was listening to the syllables of the mantra and enjoying the time with the Hare Krishna mantra. I listened carefully to the whispers as they passed through my mouth, Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare... I kept track of the accumulation of rounds with a pencil and was glad to see them increase, first up to four, and then up to eight. Now I’ll write my japa essay and then try to chant some more rounds before Narayana comes up at 5:00 A.M. I’m not sure how this helps others, but I have the belief that hearing of the struggles of a diligent chanter could be helpful.

Japa essay

I like chanting the maha-mantra. I’m familiar enough with the words “Hare,” “Krishna,” and “Rama.” They please me as they pass through my mind and lips. I’ve been doing it so long it’s become a love and a deep attachment. I could never switch to another kind of prayer of another religion, or even another mantra in the Vedic religion. This is it for me. I began in 1966, and I’ll continue it until the end. Prabhupada was so expert as to cement it to my being, and the mantra itself has the potency that once you chant it, you never want to stop. I’m like Gopa-kumara, who, no matter where he went, chanted his Gopal mantra, because it brought him more satisfaction than anything else, even when he was in the heavenly planets or Vaikuntha. He was always restless unless he was chanting his diksa mantra. The Hare Krishna mantra stays with you so that you chant it even in the dentist’s office or in the car after you’ve chanted your minimum prescribed rounds.

Yesterday I chanted eight extra rounds after my minimum sixteen and wanted to do more, but I got distracted. If there was enough time in the day and I didn’t think I had other things to do, I would chant even more. It doesn’t get boring once you’re actually sailing along in the mantras themselves. I’m chanting with my right hand now, even though it hurts a little with my shoulder. It’s more “comfortable” this way, and more natural. I’m convinced that Lord Caitanya has given us the best thing possible for this age. It’s amazing how simple it is. People think it’s too simple to be profound, and so they don’t take it up. But we need a simple thing because we’re not competent to do meditation or we’re not capable of performing Vedic yajnas or elaborate deity worship in place of the mantra. It’s a beautiful conception that He packed all His potencies in these thirty-two syllables and places Himself there too in the most merciful form. The conception is beautiful, what to speak of the actual execution. We should always be very grateful to Krishna for giving us the Hare Krishna mantra, and we should show our gratitude by chanting it as much as possible. That way, we will bond with Him, which is our heart’s greatest desire. Hare Krishna Hare Krishna Krishna Krishna Hare Hare/ Hare Rama Hare Rama Rama Rama Hare Hare.

A tiny chanter likes his yajna

and sits in a corner, like little Jack Horner,

thinking, “What a good boy am I.”

The mind grows peaceful then goes

beyond that

to happiness and bliss,

quiet bliss in a quiet room,

the very quietness

is part of the fun.

He prefers it to kirtana,

although that’s not standard

but each chanter is allowed his preference.

The Lord allows His devotees

to reach Him

as they like

and Haridasa Thakura

took this method all the way.

6:25 A.M.

The sky is completely overcast, but it’s not raining. The tractor with the rake is out smoothing the beach for the weekend.

The next piece of music on my CD is “Blues for Dracula,” by the drummer Philly Joe Jones. I’m going to skip it because, although the music is probably nice, Philly Joe does a monologue in which he imitates the voice of Bela Lagosi and speaks grotesque things like a vampire. Sometimes the music goes over the edge, and you can’t use it. It ruins my contention that jazz is spiritual and has a favorable connection with Krishna. I’ll reject “Dracula,” but there’s plenty more where that came from.

We were sitting in the car chanting, and I became a little drowsy while chanting. Narayana suggested we go out for a walk early, and that woke me up. But my ankle began hurting, and I could only walk two laps. Now we’re chanting in the car again, and I hope I can stay awake. I’ve finished twelve rounds. I want to chant the last four nicely and not rush them. (Narayana just ran out to catch a close-up picture of the tractor.)

I have an 11:00 A.M. appointment at the dentist today. I’ll try to remember to chant Hare Krishna mantras in my mind while they are working in my mouth. The anonymous monk who wrote the book about the Jesus Prayer said that he had reached the stage where the chanting automatically continued in his heart without any effort on his part. The Goswamis of Vrndavana also chanted like that. They were so enamoured by the Hare Krishna mantra that it filled them with love for Radha and Krishna and kept them always connected to the Divine Couple. I usually don’t remember to chant when I am in the dentist’s office because I become so distracted, but I’m going to make more of an effort today. It really should be easy to take shelter when there is possible pain. Sometimes, however, they start talking to you, and if you are chanting, you can’t pay attention to what they are saying. As the Cub Scout motto says, “Do your best.” The Boy Scout motto is even better: “Be prepared.” Set your mind in advance with resolve to chant, and you’ll be prepared for whatever obstacles arrive.

All right, let’s go back to our car chanting. “Do your best” implies you are just a little boy, and so you may fail, but try anyway. “Be prepared” is something higher than “do your best.” It implies that you should have intelligence to think in advance what may go wrong and avoid it. So “be prepared” to feel drowsy now, but avoid it with well-planned strategy. Oh well, do your best, and Krishna will make up for what you lack.

8:30 A.M.

“Wade in the Water,” by Johnny Griffin. This is a big band. It certainly swings. Krishna used to wade in the water with the gopis. Play in the Yamuna, squirt each other with squirting instruments. They could play this music in the background. It’s got lots of trumpets and saxophones, but Johnny Griffin is the leading one, the little lion. Multiple brass, four saxaphones and a double-digit quantity of musicians. Riverside went out on a limb to have so many musicians and have to pay for them. Another company recorded it and got the money for it, but they got their sense of gratification by doing it for artistic reasons. Wading in the water is done by Christians, too, when they get their baptism. It’s done by folks at Jagannatha Puri who don’t like to do surf riding so much but just go out in the water and wade. I like to wade in the water. I like it better than swimming. Just go up to your waist and move your arms around. Krishna provides the ocean and the holy riviers for wading. Brahmanas go in and say their gayatri mantras. At festivals, thousands of people go to places like Prayaga and go into the water at the confluence of the holy rivers at the exact time and get promise of liberation.

“Smooth as the Wind.” This features Blue Mitchell on trumpet, with strings and brass. It developed into a sumptuous ensemble arranged by Tad Dameron, who had to send in his written arrangements by mail because he was in a drug rehab hospital. “The charts literally arrived in the mail.” Blue Mitchell died young. The orchestra is conducted by Benny Golson. The wind is smooth and blows the peacock feather on Krishna’s head. Smooth as the wind means it’s not a tempest but just a nice day for playing in the cowherd fields. A nice day on this earth, too, for having a Ratha-yatra or a baseball game. Vayu is the god of the wind, and he controls it. He can make it soft and strong. On this song, it’s medium strong. Blue Mitchell is playing lyrically, and the strings behind him are not distracting. They provide the wind effect. And he’s like a bird flying through it. Everybody liked Blue Mitchell. Said he was “gloriously lyrical and tonally distinctive.” He deserved a date with a few strings, and this turned into a whole ensemble. Smooth is the wind is a nice feeling when it’s breezing through your hair and not too strong. Think of Vrndavana like that on a nice day. The cowherd boys are delightful and delighted with Krishna as they run through the woods, and life is as smooth as the wind.

“Big ‘P.’” This is the Jimmy Heath orchestra. Jimmy Heath plays tenor sax, and it’s a mid-sized jazz band. Riverside says it’s the best of its kind that they ever issued and that Jimmy Heath was the top of a handful of arrangers. Clark Terry, Cannonball Adderley, and Nat Adderley didn’t ask to play on this. They said that they must play on it. Riverside says, “It stands out as the one which, over the years, musicians have most consistently remembered with pleasure and enthusiasm.” Jimmy Heath wails with pure jazz enthusiasm. I don’t know what “big P” means. Krishna is the Purusa, the Purusottama, the Supreme Person. He’s the Big P. Perhaps we can think of it that way. Krishna is the paramatma in every jazz man’s heart. Provided people prefer poetic productions, they’ll like this “Big ‘P.’” It’s got a really kicking sound to it. Not too much. Not too little. Just right. They’ve got a number of good players on it, including Cannonball Adderley and Percy Heath on bass. “Big ‘P’” has plenty to attract us. The only thing wrong with it is that it’s too short. It could have been twice as long, and we’d have enjoyed it still. Maybe they made it short for commercial reasons. But it’s smooth and enthusiastic and big.

10:15 A.M.

My Dear Lord Krishna...

What does it mean for someone like me to think of you always? I seem to remember reading once that one of the acaryas said that always means regularly. We know we are supposed to chant the gayatri mantra three times a day and say the prayers to the spiritual master three times a day. And chanting of the Hare Krishna mantra is done by most devotees regularly, at a certain quota but not twenty-four hours a day. But I would like to be able to think of You more often. It is the way a lover thinks of his beloved. You are always thinking of Radharani, and Radharani is always thinking of You. Exalted pure devotees think of You in that way. They cannot get You out of their minds. The gopis said that they even try not to think of You, because to think of You gives them so much trouble, since they are in separation from You. But they cannot drive You from their minds. It is impossible. That is a stage to be desired.

For myself, I would like to be able to think of You when I’m riding in the car, when I’m at the dentist, when I’m taking prasadam, and in all those in-between minutes when I’m not doing some regular, prescribed sadhana. It takes a natural, spontaneous feeling of love. But I think it can also be done by vadhi-bhakti sadhana. One can just remember to remember. Remember the importance of thinking of You, even if it is not spontaneous. And then think of You. Make up games or make up routines in which we think of You. Give the importance of thinking of You. Our whole life is actually wasted if we do not think of You at the time of death. Our life is wasted if we do not serve You during our lifetime. “Regularly” can mean every day. When we wake up in the morning, we should think of You, and we should dedicate our activities to You. Just as a worker dedicates his five days a week to going to the workplace and doing the job, we should always be working for You. Devotees who live in the temple have a great advantage in which they’re always engaged in some kind of service, whether as pujaris or going out as book distributors or as managers in the office. Devotees who don’t live in the temple shouldn’t be at a disadvantage. If they work at jobs, they can dedicate a significant portion of their income to You, and therefore their workday is dedicated to You. They can learn the art of chanting silently to themselves. They can disassociate themselves from the prajalpa of the office and of the nondevotees, who waste their time in non-Krishna activities. It may appear a little odd to the average person if one is a fulltime devotee of You, but that is all right. Better to appear a little odd than to blend in and be a regular karmi.

I pray to You, Krishna, to increase my thinking of You. Show me ways that I can fill in the corners of my hours in meditation on You and work on Your behalf. Let me choose my friends as those with whom it will be natural for me to talk about You, our Lord. There may not be many friends or of such a standard, but we will be fortunate if we can find one or two who like to converse about You and share lives centered on You. We should seek out their fellowship.

And on our own, alone, we can read books, spend a good amount of time chanting the maha-mantra, and doing work to help others come to You. It’s a matter of arranging one’s priorities so that You will be in the forefront.

Thinking of the importance of You among all living beings will spur us to keep You in mind. How much more important You are than even our family members. How much more important service to You is than any other service or philanthropic work. And how much more dear to us should be Your dear friends, Your devotees. Serving You and Your devotees alongside other persons, we can conclude that Your interests and personality are immeasurably more important to us.

I remember when I was a very small child in the Catholic religion, the nuns used to tell us that we had a guardian angel and that we should always think of this guardian angel as being with us. We should even save room for him in the pew so that he could sit beside us. This was an imaginary exercise, yet they encouraged it. And it had its advantages, too, to keep you holy-minded. In a somewhat similar way, we can always think that You are with us and save room for You in our seat, in our mind. You are our guardian angel. You are our protector, and we should devote our lives to You.

I am not making these requests to You as farfetched proposals but as practical requests. Please fill my life with thoughts of You. I may not be able to do it as a hero, like Arjuna or a preacher like Lord Nityananda. Compared to them, I am less than feeble. But I have my own capacity, and I can fill my life to my full capacity serving You. I can improve. I must improve. I pray to You to help me improve. I want to be Your constant companion and have You always at my side and in my mind and heart. Some people think that deliberation on God is impossible because He is unknowable. But we Vaisnavas know this is different. You can be very close to us. Prabhupada used to say that You are as close to us as our jugular vein. You are beside ourselves in our hearts as the Supersoul. We can cultivate our love for You to a higher pitch, as You deserve. Please let this come about for me, Lord. I think of You as a lover thinks of the beloved. I want this, and I can do it, with Your help. This is my prayer for today, and every day.